EAHORC HO Grand Prix, Gaydon, 21 May 2011
Walter Plinge presents the alternative view

So how did EAHORCs big day out go?
Here’s how…..

Arriving at Gaydon my Satnav said carry on down the road, but the sign said left. Left I went to be faced in the distance by a flat cylindrical object reminiscent of the alien craft in ‘Independence Day’. Was this the museum building, an alien invasion or the new mode of transport of Gareth, thechosenone? It turned out to be the building, despite the whole site having a ‘nothing in the middle of nowhere’ Area 51 feel about it. To see how the confusion arose see the tourist board style still photo at 3:14 into the more than excellent woodcote ‘HO:GP’ vid on the EAHORC HO:GP thread, page 12. Also available on the interweb at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67ZAOFRdWSY

Surprisingly, although running a public track. EAHORC members were asked to pay for entry to the museum site. No reflection on EAHORC but how bizarre: doing someone a favour and having to pay to do it? Walter wasn’t over-chuffed with this. Fair play to the EAHORC administrative staff though who had arranged for a discounted entry rate. Unfortunately group tickets are designed for coach parties and the like who naturally all arrive together, and the small print (always read it!) required it. This meant getting all of the HOGP entrants in front of the venue at a planned 0900hrs, precisely. But was this really a requirement of the ticket or was there more to it? Rumours abounded that this could be a pre-race fitness test, a means of ensuring the same practice time for all or to ensure that the younger generation got the best pit space. My money was on it being a practice for the AFX 6 Hour to be held at Pinewood Raceway in July. This year organiser andyslots is believed to be secretly planning a Le Mans style start to the race with the chequered flag being waved on the grass outside the nearby Jayne Coleman Academy of Dance at precisely 1000hrs.

But (never start a sentence with ‘but’: Year 7), back to Gaydon, there was a last minute change of plan as the Saturday setup fairies were going to be allowed in early ‘round the back guv, but don’t tell no-one’, without the need for a ticket, as they were now on the setterupper’s seemingly flexible guest list.

As the chimes of 9 approached the ‘just Sunday thanks’ people assembled with some arriving less early than others, but I refuse to name names as there is a super-injunction in place. (If you really want to know ask your MP) EAHORC supremo, motherhen1, was surprisingly cool, which was to be his mood for the day. Whatever the original plan for the standing start, if there was one, the fitter youngsters pushed ahead, leaving the more prosperous looking and those under doctor’s rather than starter’s orders to bring up the rear. The crocodile was snappy at the front but did give off a slight wheezing sound at the rear. Motherhen1 did not confirm or deny that there had been anything other than a ‘small print’ ticketing glitch.

The size of the track was again staggering. The long straight was not just long, it was really really, and I mean really long. I reckon that the straight was, when scaled up, equivalent to about 1/3 mile which would no doubt give the residual Tyco 440 breathing difficulties while the accordion section next to ‘Tony’s Bygones’ might be the Mega-Gs undone shoelace. No doubt in anyone’s mind though that this was going to yet another AFX Racemasters day. Yes, the track was not just awesome™, it took awesome to the next level™.

Those who read my first blog may remember my plea for a greater range of liveries in order to aid car identification as they zip around the small plastic planks that is HO. That plea appears to have been, at least in part, answered. As widely rumoured on Twitter both woodcote and asjwood turned up with new open wheel paint jobs. Marctownsend appeared with a clever, more than bright, yellow champcar with the latest Austin Powers Penske Pattos attached, with matching hubs front and back (creep). With all the new paintwork to badge up Patto must surely have been able to put a fair amount into his pension fund this month. The real head turners, or eye burners, but not necessarily the prettiest, by a smidgen, were the vaguely Ferrari fluorescent pinky/reddy things of cliveharland and redlinercersdad, which were so bright their curves and edges could hardly be seen. Despite them being smaller than the standard Panoz, the Super-G and Tyco bodies could surely be visible from nearby planets. All I can say is that the FLBT duo and redlineracersdad’s cars must have been painted with the aid of a welders mask. From the same stable perhaps? Thanks boys, it’s a great start, and we’ll see a few more.

The morning was taken up with the HO:GP. The influx of some great new racers and the advent of Martech kit has put far more people in reach of doing well. The difference between being almost top and near the bottom is small and narrowing all the time, with drivers knowing that 2 ½ good heats just isn’t good enough to get them where they think they should be. Winning one final and moving up is about all that can be expected as the second final will always be in the worst lane. Many people paid the price.
MBR deservedly retained the GP title but cryer-evo who was always in the frame came second. Third was second qualifier woodcote, a very creditable consistent morning for him that paid dividends. Fourth was thechosenone who had, against the run of form having qualified sixth, moved up from the B-Final, leaving a disappointed fourth fastest qualifier marctownsend in sixth place behind an impressive and pleasantly surprised stonemanPJ.

In the afternoon ProMod class where speeds are phenomenomenomenal, the bright body had been surprisingly less common. However we now have marctownsend, cryer-evo and cliveharland bucking the trend with bright yellow lexans, some brighter than others. MBR does not need to rely on bright colours: he just needs to keep his eye on the fastest car, but is the Martech empire about to strike back? Will the lucky blue shirt take a tumble in the tumble dryer? Wash this space.

Jimb0 however wishes that cars were clockwork powered after a blue unguided missile took off at the end of the runway hitting him in the KPs. Fortunately, for whatever reason, no serious damage seems to have done, and no charges will result. Bet he was only too pleased to show off the bruises when he got home! Was it end bell first jimb0?

Expect wicket keepers gloves and box to be provided at the end of the straight next time. See the woodcoteagain vid ‘HO:GP extras 1’ on page 12 of the HOGP thread or go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK9Vyay8UIg...eature=youtu.be

New boy cryer-evo had threatened to arrive in true racing style by giving his Mitsevo a blast from Brissle to Gaydon but unfortunately the clutch gave up the ghost before the off. The news that the engine was no longer shaking hands with the gearbox leaked out in advance which fortunately enabled garages en-route to cancel their extra fuel deliveries in plenty of time. His performance on track in only his second EAHORC outing must be on track to suggest a major upset on track in the not too distant future and I’ll be tracking this. With a second place in the GP and a close third behind MBR and marctownsend says a lot. One of the people to watch next season.

Slowracer, by racing his Tyco in the GP and gaining the maximum 20 points from a surprising 20th place finish has pretty much sealed the Flintstone Cup although crashatallcorners and spiritlodger can still mathematically top him.

Andyslots was having a bit of a nightmare through being away from the big track action, resulting in 14th place in the GP, immediately behind motherhen1.
Motherhen1 had a great performance in Nascar, coming second only to the on form of late trenchtownbilly despite having to use a replacement chassis. Fast up and coming whippersnapper thechosenone also benefited from andyslots distractions relegating him to fourth in the tin-tops.

Where Motherhen1’s cluck was in, andyslots seemed to be out today. Conspiracy theories abounded in some parts of the pits that the consigning of andyslots to the demo track for most of the day was a deliberate act designed to make him underperform. Deliberate or otherwise this now means that the Nascar championship will be decided at the last round at WHO potentially teeing-up a jaw-dropping A-Final. Any one of three drivers can realistically, not just statistically, win but with andyslots in joint top spot and dropping a zero he must be favourite to take the chromeware over motherhen1 and trenchtownbilly, despite their better recent form. While thechosenone cannot win the title he is easily capable of getting amongst it to spoil someone’s day. Surely a capacity crowd can be expected!

The Mod class was down to 3 today, stonemanpj, jimb0 and slowracer. Nothing too exciting here with them finishing in that order.

Due to marshalling and other things I only managed a short visit to the out of town mall and other tracks. There I found some great shops with some fantastic new and pre-owned cars and spares at bargain prices, like nothing I’d ever seen before, but no time to buy. Didn’t get anywhere near the museum though before the motherhen1 string started tugging away to show that my next marshalling stint was due.

We don’t see the real speeds that the ProMods of capable of very often but this was just one of those days, to the great joy of drivers and visitors alike. Just imagine what they would be like with more amps per lane to play with!
ProMod had a C-Final for a change with redlineracersdad beating new boy rossi25rc to move up to the ‘B’ joining sonofroll1later, woodcote and surprisingly, cliveharland who despite having A-Final lap pace had mechanical problems in all of his heats. His woes continued in this race missing several laps with gear issues to finish seventh behind redlineracersdad and sonofroll1later with a deserving woodcote (it’s getting a habit) getting another ProMod A-Final. That eagerly awaited A-Final did not disappoint with MBR disappearing into the distance less than usual with a seemingly determined marctownsend hanging on well. When the prospect of dethroning the king was beyond reasonable doubt marctownsend eased off to Warp Factor 7 for safety giving cryer-evo an opportunity to close in, lap after, for marctownsend, excruciating lap but held on to second place by a whisker. The crowd, quite frankly and understandably, got a little excited. A great race that just might have won EAHORC a few converts.

Walter and his mates have been running an unofficial, and discreet ‘best t-shirt’ competition between devotees of the garment, thechosenone and asjwood, who both always make an alternative statement. The competition started last month at Kesgrave. Asjwood had on that occasion gone for a very subtle ‘I quite like music’ worded strike against the branding system. The messianic choice was a direct message of having a ‘loving’ choice between a Ford Mustang and someone elses (thank goodness) mother. Messiahs are somewhat known for their directness.
This time asjwood crossed into thechosenone’s ‘sex and car’ territory by wearing a winged car on his shirt with the slogan ‘nineteen 69’. Thechosenone sidestepped asjwood, together with the usual hanger in the wardrobe, by deciding to wear the black ‘subliminal message’ model from his messianic collection. To the casual observer it was simply a branded shirt (now reduced I see from £14.99 to £24.99 for two, but who would want two?) with the once trendy makers name ‘O’Neill’ emblazoned across the chest. To those, like myself, who are susceptible to suggestion it was a misspelt invitation to kneel, an instruction worthy of the Messiah himself, the cheeky so and so. Now that the competition is out in the open I’m expecting an end of season T-shirt spectacular from these two. Don’t let me down boys!

So who was worthy of an ‘in summary’ mention?
Unluckiest driver: cliveharland who had mechanical problems in all his races (buy the workshop manual mate). I expect he’ll be back though.
Luckiest driver: jimb0 who escaped serious injury with, or by, a short head.
‘Spoilt day’ driver: andyslots who was stuck on the display track almost all day, resulting in a much below par performance on the big track and the loss of a shout at sealing the Nascar title. Shame as his form of late had been great and getting better…
Race of the day: ProMod A-Final, by a mile, unlike marctownsend’s margin.

Finally Driver of the day?
Could it be one of the top ProMod three finalists, MBR for winning, marctownsend for keeping cryer-evo at bay, or cryer-evo (aka thecheshirecat) for oh so very nearly doing it and smiling all the way?
No, it was trenchtownbilly who after a disappointing HO:GP bounced back to win another gruelling Nascar A-final by over a lap and almost half a second faster than his rivals, making it three wins out of the last four outings; neat!. All this against a backdrop of a driving ban from the doc after a recent malady. Well done ttb, we love ya!

Did I mention slowracer?

Walter Plinge

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