GOGS...Grumpy Old Gits Society..

The woman in the checkout queue to whom it comes as a complete surprise that she actually has to pay for the contents of her trolley.

I had the supreme example in Sainsburys today. She had a full trolley and spent more time on her phone than actually packing anything. If I was a checkout operator I would punch these ignorant, rude people.

Right, goods eventually packed and assistant calls out the price. This seems to come as a shock because she then realises that her handbag is underneath the shopping in the trolley. Having retrieved it she delves into the voluminous bag and attempts to ferret out her purse from underneath whatever else women keep in these things. Opens purse and hands assistant a thick wodge of discount/bonus points coupons. Most are out of date or not valid for her purchases but she eventually gets 50p off her bill.

Must be nearly there I thought, only credit card to go now. Wrong - tips out twenty pieces of plastic on the belt and can't find the right card. So, decides to pay cash and empties a great pile of coins to go with the notes and proceeds to try and count out correct amount. As her numeracy skills were a bit limited the checkout operator has to do it for her.

And finally, just as I thought the ordeal was over, she decides one of her 'bags for life' is split, asks for a free replacement and is most put out to be told that it is a Tesco bag so not eligible.

I finished my shopping, came home and went for a lie down in a darkened room.

That ^^^ is a prime example of modern living severely pissing me off. Happens to me all the time. Yesterday it was in the Post Office. Woman at the counter, long queue behind her, says to the cashier "I can't hold two conversations at once, and this one's important!". I felt like ramming her 'phone down her throat. How rude, holding people up like that. If the call is that important that you need to give it your undivided attention, you shouldn't be in the queue until the call is finished.

On the subject of mobile devices, my love of hill-walking is diminishing rapidly because it's getting to the point where even out on the fells there are bloody ringtones blaring every few minutes.

It's safe to say that my hatred of mobile 'phones is equal to the sum of all my other dislikes.

I could rant about mobiles for hours....................

A zebra went to heaven. When he saw St. Peter he asked him "You know, I have always wondered, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said he would have to ask God that question since he's the one that made him.

So the zebra asked God, "God, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?"
God answered, "You are what you are."

The zebra left and came upon St. Peter and told him,
"Well I asked God if I was a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes..."
"What was the answer," St. Peter asked.

"Well I still don't know. All He said was: 'You are what you are."'

"Well that answers it," Said St. Peter. "You're a white horse with black stripes."

"How do you know that?" asked the zebra.

"Well if you were a black horse with white stripes He would have said: "You is what you is".

I'm looking around for a new-to-me 1:1 car. I'm pretty focused which cars I fancy, what options and colours I'd ideally like. ....And definitely sure of the options and colours I don't like on certain of my favoured cars.

So, here's my rant for today.......... Advertisers, both trade and private who try to big-up their wares by putting in the ad:-
"The best colour" or "Best colour combo". That's your opinion, sunshine. Don't expect me to agree (I rarely do).
"Heavy on spec.". So it might be, but most of what the original owner shelled-out for doesn't interest me. So I'm unlikely to want to buy your car.
"Over £9k of options". See above. ....And it doesn't make your car worth very much more than average 2 more owners and 70k miles down the line.
"Pulls like a train". I won't be buying that one, either. You've obviously ragged it on a regular basis.
"Full service history". Unless you have invoices to back-up the stamps in the service book, I don't believe you. I'm fully aware how easy it is for sellers to buy a new service book and get it stamped.
"Looks mint on newly refurbed black rims". No, it looks like you ram-raided Halfords, actually. (In truth, if the main picture shows the black wheels I don't even read the ad.)
"Fully loaded!" Really?? .......Where's the satnav, the sunroof, the sport seats, the leather interior? This car's the bargain-basement spec. Oh! I get it.......... The engine's about to go BANG!
"We want your part-exchange". You haven't seen the car I'm running at the minute, Dude. I'd rather you knock a couple of large off the price and I'll get what I can for mine locally, thanks.
"Silky-smooth V6 engine". I hope not, it's a BMW. They don't make V6s. Won't be buying off you, then. Obviously don't know what you're selling. (........And this was a bona-fide dealer. A national chain!)
"Rare!" Really? Have you checked the website you're selling on? Every other car of that model on here has the same spec. It was the most popular option pack they sold.
"Full-on 300bhp remap". I've 2 issues with this one - Have you got a dyno print-out to back-up your quoted figure? ....And you sound like the stereotypical boy-racer. So I won't be buying your car, either.
(This one's BMW-specific) "Individual". OK, so the original owner had far more money than sense or taste. That colour combination makes me want to vomit. Hold on, did you say the original owner was colour-blind? Best of luck selling that one, Dude.

(The list is endless, and I'm bored of all this typing now. I'm off to bed.)

Come on sellers, cut the c.r.a.p. Most of the time you're just making yourself look stupid.

grab coffee (or large brandy) , sit down & strap yourself in , this is going to be a long one as I am feeling particularly crotchety and cantankerous today!

first up democracy , or rather those who choose to live in a democratic country (if there even is such a thing but that's for another rant) and then protest and riot at the outcome of democratic process. even my 12 year old can work out how that works!

case #1. a country...lets call it , oh I don't know...the "united states of amnesia" , through a supposedly democratic electoral process appoints a president based on his pre election pledges , then the country descends into anarchy from the "loosing" voters when said democratically elected president swiftly implements his changes to policies. I'm not going to argue the rights and wrongs of these policies but come on....if you don't like democracy in action either move to north korea or pick your dummy up , rinse it off and put it back in your gob!

case #2. another country which I shall call "will be great britain again" decides in another democratic process to remove itself from a bloated amalgamation of other democracies , some of whom wished to superimpose "their" democracy upon it's. my issue here is with elected individuals wishing to derail the process because they are so incensed that a democratic majority the british people dared to raise their voice about their future!

next , rabid profiteering. I'll use as an example an airline , bryan air , one that may or may not have a particularly obnoxious C.E.O. wishing to find reasonably priced flights to sunny climbs to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary later in the year and without having to drive to an airport in outer mongolia , we took the decision to slum it with bryan air. here's the rub... we booked the flights less than 24 after initially pricing them up and surprise surprise they had gone up by over £40 (we even checked from a different I.p address in case it was that old trick of bumping up the price on a second visit) but the cherry on top was a £10 "payment fee"..not a card charge...they actually have the gall to charge you for them allowing you to pay them...thieving [email protected][email protected]£ds! on our way home I might just not the resist the overwhelming desire to projectile vomit that their gaudy yellow plastic headrest covers instil into every inch of my stomach...that'll offset the tenner in their cleaning costs!!

lastly.....64p for a first class stamp!!!!!!

I had occasion to visit my local GP surgery last week. The consultation (with a 30-something female GP) necessarily included a rather "personal" examination. The conversation went a bit like this.....

GP: I'll need to do an examination that is somewhat intimate, and while I'm about it I'll also check your prostate. Is that OK with you?

Me: Not a problem at all, doctor.

GP: I'll call a chaperone, it could mean a 5 minute wait.

Me: No need to call a chaperone for me, doctor, just go for it.

But she called anyway. While we were waiting, I clicked-on that the chaperone was for her! WHAT!?!?! You have to have a chaperone to do your job?? (Plus, the chaperone looked like she was only just out of school)

........And have you read that the NHS is now telling its staff not to refer to pregnant women as "expectant mothers", because it is offensive to trans-gender people? It's something to do with gender stereotyping. Isn't the very fact that only women are capable of reproduction stereotypical? Are they telling us that the very small minority of the population who are trans-gender are allowed to dictate terms to the rest of us?

The world is getting weirder by the day.