[PETER GUNN]

P,d off decided to get a set of 4 firesde chairs to replace our aging suite which like many things of our age is suffering from a saggy bottom, saved up a little money so decided 2020 is the year to get something, like hell it is.

Went into town to look at some furniture and discovered only one shop left now selling furniture and i was not impressed , so made a visit to a larger town to find there was only one shop left there also , but i was determined to get something, chap inside showed me a nice shiny catalogue and i picked out 4 nice chairs , and asked do you have them in the showroom so i can see if the wifes bum fits in them ok , he said sorry sir we don't keep them in stock , but i have one which is a BIT like it well it was nothing like it actually , but my bum fitted into it ok , so i said have you 4 and he said no sir that's the last one.

So, it was back to the shiny pictures then i said how much are 4 of those chairs and the reply was £1, 800 so after swallowing my mint and the missus going white i asked how long before i can have them, he said if sir ordered and paid for them today about 15 weeks .

Then i asked about disposal of my old suite , and he said well sir we have trouble disposing of them ourselves due to regulations , but if you paid us £150 we will take it away for you, so the bill was now £1, 950, the missus said something i had not thought of delivery , she asked is there a delivery charge he said yes madam locally £50 , she asked what is locally he said 5 miles radius , so she said to him where we lived and he gave a big inhale of breath and said out there madam it would cost round about £100, so our 4 chairs were now going to cost £2, 050 , so needles to say we wearily dragged ourself back the 27 miles home feeling knackered , so we still have our old saggy bottom suite to plant out saggy bottoms on which soon could be sitting on the floor as we can't get just 4 fireside chairs to replace it without holding up the bank.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Thanks David about Sue Ryder that's usefull to know

 

[PETER GUNN]

There he was the man in the lowered Civic , we could hear him coming the thud of the bass echoing of the surrounding buildings , he pulled up in a cloud of tyre smoke alongside of us at the lights , blipping the accelerator of his unsilenced car in time with some god awful music coming from the interior.

The passenger side window came down and yep there he was sitting low in his seat , baseball cap arse ways round starring at the lights , waiting for them to flicker then with a glance across to me went snaking of across the junction straight into a skip lorry , while us mere mortals pulled away on the green .

Passing the man who was arguing with an even bigger man who had alighted from the skip lorry my wife turned to me and said those immortal words .

THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL.

 

[PETER GUNN]

The gas/electric bill, we received 6 bill's all exactly the same so just thought i would give them a bell , wrongo dialled the number and got through to the usual press a number routine , well they had funny enough 6 numbers , so i sat there listening to this voice telling me to press this button for this , and that number for that , well we got to number 6 and the voice said press this number for any other query, but before i did the machine went back to number 1 .

But this time i was prepared so as number 6 came up i pressed it only for the line to go dead and then back to the dialling tone, thought B i can't be bothered..

 

[PETER GUNN]

I worked in retail in my earlier days and it was a great learning curve, my first stint was at a well know chemist chain on their patent medicines counter and in those days we had training , and the first thing we were taught was , be helpful, smile , and the customer is always right.

What a load of B--------- the customer is rude treats you like S-------, very seldom knew what they wanted , if they did they blamed you for buying something they insisted was right , why didn't you tell me , i did mention madam it might not be suitable, i,ve dealt with those with their heads up their backside , those who think it,s their right to sneer at you , after all your only a shop assistant.

One thing i did learn from my time in retail which has kept me in good stead ever since , was be nice if you can to everyone , and ignore the one's mentioned above , as they ain't worth the time.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Seems everyone needs a title today , My wife was a executive assistant to the assistant chief executive assistant, who was a assistant to the head executive assistant dept g , who worked under the chief executive.

And my missus was actually the top of the group , without her they could not function, as she got the coffee's and sarnies.

 

[PETER GUNN]

This reminds me of Dad's army, Corporal Jones , DON'T PANIC , DON'T PANIC so everyone panics, especially our crappy media in all it,s miserable forms , and i don't get why bum rolls and baked beans have been disappearing from everywhere.

What are people gonna do sit on the bog all day eating baked beans , and not have to move from the throne until it,s all over.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Oh boy really shows the caliber of certain people, especially in the media , saw the first part of the A M show , ( why do they call it a show, no dancing girls or boys chuckle pc ) and it was given in a high pitched voice, a paper was saying there could be a 100 thousand deaths , ahhhhhhhhhhh how would they B well know could be any figure the media fancies , perhaps tomorrow the media will say 200 thousand , and by Friday a million.

Are they closing down The Lords on Monday must be well over 500 in there over 70, is parliament going to send home all the MP,s over 70, i,m over 70 and i,m doing what i normally do , get on with life, and i don't care about bog paper plenty of newspapers blowing about , and perhaps i can do the crosswords whilst eating me beans having a C - - -., sorry Chappy in case i get banned.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Been watching day time telly this morning , yep sad isn't it, and the amount of times i have heard wash your hands for at least 18 seconds, don't hand shake do the bump, stop kissing , keep a meter apart . BUT.

Have not heard anything about sex, now don't usually shake hands as i usually know the person, normally have a kiss or two , and get a lot closer than a meter away,so i am waiting for the experts to clarify how we go about this , unless the equipment used is longer than a meter.

 

[PETER GUNN]

One thing i have noticed the amount of cruises being offered for holidays now , rather odd

 

[PETER GUNN]

Decided when this kicked up to get in the essentials, so rushed break neck speed to the offy , and bought scotch, gin, rum, 48 can's of Stella, red wine , med dry, and dry wine , and for the missus got some nuts , can't afford food , broke .

 

[PETER GUNN]

Water in whisky

, oh my god the end of the world has come

.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Spent 26 at the PO and quite a bit on deliveries, , now first thing i do remember were the odd numbering like 20 then 20A which was not next door it was round the corner next to 30 and i never knew why , next was the letter boxes some 4 inches of the ground , some sideways at the side of the door these were lethal had very strong springs to trap and cut fingers, then there were the tall one's , and of course some had none at all as it , to quote a very nice lady spoilt the look of her door.

I met all sorts , the good the bad and the down right rude who treated you as though you was something they had trodden in , but mainly there some very nice people who gave you a cuppa when you stood there looking like a drowned rat trying to keep her package dry,, and the girls in the holiday shop who always had a smile and a tenner at xmas for me and a kiss and a hug, which was always appreciated as i got older , yes in my years at the PO i was lucky enough to have met most types of people , a certain lady who delighted in answering the door in her nightie , and Mrs Peters god bless her who would insist in bending down in the hall to pick something up when she had just opened the door.

The dogs you met some sitting on the pathway licking their lips as you approached , and the little dog at 54 who always sat behind the door waiting for you to put the letters through the flap , always made sure fingers were well out the way, and there was Rupert a border collie who came to the door and took the letters from me to give to his man standing there, yep met them all , and i suppose the fondest memory was my last week before i retired on the Friday some of my customers presented me with a clock and baromater for just being their postman

 

[PETER GUNN]

My better half calls the virus The Neverending Story, as i mentioned before live near a sea side town and really dread the hot sun and good weather especially at weekends , which means we have to self isolate indoors as there are so many emmett's who decide to come here in their hundreds and leave the place looking like a garbage tip and a cess pit , god knows where all the can's and bottles come from strewn everywhere after they leave.

And now we have that idiot Boris the clown telling us it,s bloody independance day on the 4th July and the pubs and other boozing joints will be opening , and then talks about social distancing, bollocks we all know that ain't going to happen after a few pints don't we

 

[PETER GUNN]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggg you can't mention WHITE bread, today Trisha

 

[PETER GUNN]

Feed the cat .

 

[PETER GUNN]

Rule Brittania was always sung at this do as long as i can remember and does sound rather good when were all pissed and could not care less.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Blimey i remember the Invisible man series , didn't know it was back.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Umm great news story BUT did the fly survive.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Thinking about the comments here about the young and hygine e.t.c , my first job was at Boots the chemist 1960 in their patent medicine dept in a medium size shop , our hours were 9am start but you were expected to be there 15 minutes early, at 10 to 9 we all reported to the shop floor for inspection by the senior staff member we called Colonel Bogey because he looked like one.

We were expected to have clean black shoes, well turned out with creases in the trousers for the men the ladies wore black skirts, over which we wore clean white coats , we were issued with 3 of these,the ladies had blue, men had to wear a tie, hygein was no beards stubble did not exist in those days clean shave, the manager and under manager wore dark suits , manager with waistcoat with a watch in the pocket.

We were ready to open by 2 minutes to 9 with the senior standing by the door watch in one hand , key in the other watching the big round clock on the wall and as it struck 9 he opened the door.

Protocol was the customer is always right ( which i found out later is a right load of B ---------- ) you always adressed the customers with good morning sir, or madam for the older lady, and good morning miss for the young lady, and it always was always, can i be of assistance to you, not cor look at that to your fellow assistant.

The cosmetiic counter was run by Mrs Kelly made Peggy Mount look tame , the patent medicines by Mr Clark ex army you always called them by their name no christian names were uaed, the Chemist was Mr Phillips a nice old duffer who you didn't speak to unless he spoke to you and then you replied sir.

That was pretty normal in those days even in Woolworths next door, must have made a impression as i can remember it all so clearly 60 years later, times are a lot differant now and i suppose standards have gone down the toilet in a lot of cases , but us older ones were young once when things were a whole lot differant , many find it difficult with the young now , but in time the young now will look back like i am and think in 60 years time blimey standads are a whole lot differant from when i was young.