[PETER GUNN]

Ah the mobile phone, most seem to have them, so many don't realise it is really a phone where you contact people and they contact you , sometimes business , sometimes just to say hallo, but being in the supermarket today i learned the real reason when i stood at the tinned foods dept and this lady was coming along the shelves taking photos of some of the can's and prices .

Now this intreaged me so i had to ask why ( idiot ) and she said i do this every week to keep a check on the prices, then she decided to show me , now i was trapped in this corner while the lady showed me differant can's and there was a date on the pictures, going back weeks, then she decided to show me her dog playing in the garden, asleep on a chair , eating it,s dinner and then came up a plate of sausages eggs and chips , so i asked silly sod and this i what she sais .

And i quote oh that i took a picture of that as my husband said it was the best meal i had ever cooked him , so i wanted to keep the memory, lucky for me i could now escape anf headed for the check out , but there was no escape as she had followed me and wanted to show me her garden as i was whishing the till lady would hurry up , so it was here is my daffs , that's the shed, and the old lawn mower , i just had to ask her umm do you make phone calls , she said not on this one , but on this one dragging it out of her pocket as i fled the scene in a hurry .

 

[PETER GUNN]

In life we are all responsible for our actions , we live in a petty minded society where everyone else is to blame except ourselves if you act like a A - - - you will be treated like a A - - -, and that's not being harsh but a fact.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Interesting this slavery thing , a place like Bristol was built on it , so logically if you pull a statue down over it, you should pull most of Bristol down as well , just a thought.

 

[PETER GUNN]

That reminds me of something i heard years ago about balls can't quite remember all of it as i,m old and have to lead a sheltered life according to that crappy media, think it went something like this . Cummings has only go one B - - -, Hancock has two but very small, Sunak has something similar , but poor old Boris has no B - - - - at all.

My memory might be fading though

 

[PETER GUNN]

Nigella hmm , my memory of tv cooks goes way back , first one's i can remember were in fact a duo, Fanny and Johnny Craddock, there was Fanny looking like a older model on a cat walk and there was Johnny 3 sheets to the wind and there was this lille lady who did all the work while Fanny directed operations and asking Johnny to pass items.

Johnny tottered about like a ship in a storm and all i can remember him saying was yusssssssssss Fanny, and her saying that's the wrong item Johnny , yussssssssssssss Fanny as he stood there glass in hand.

Best one i thought was Keith Floyd who travelled all over the world doing tv cookery shows steadily getting tipsy on a little tipple as he called the various glasses he drunk doing them , one for the fish pie and a large one for him

 

[PETER GUNN]

Why do i now get E mails telling me, 1 your parcel is on it,s way, 2 we have recived your parcel from the point of origin, 3 to tell me your parcel is now with out dispatch dept,4 your parcel is now with the courier, 5 we will deliver your parcel between 3pm and 7pm, then after delivery i get no 6 today we delivered a parcel to your adress at 3-56pm, never used to be like this and i have quite a few parcels so liable to get at least 24 Emails telling me about the B parcel

 

[PETER GUNN]

I was in tier 1 now i,m in tier 2 possibly in tier 3 soon, and expecting a tier 4 as i cannot see tier 1, 2 and 3 working so now i,m wondering suppose tier 4 don't work do we go to 5 , or do we go to tier 1 and start all over again.

Do i get in a bubble , there are 5 young ladies down the road , do i get in their bubble i wonder to make up the 6 , and would our bubble be able to meet another bubble of 6 on the beach, if were 2 meters apart , then there are the nun's from the convent who must have a bubble who i,ve seen about can the first two bubbles meet the third bubble if we keep 2 meters apart , and what about the police bubble suppose they nick more than 6 criminals , do they have to leave some behind and wait for a spare bubble to come along ummm.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Gaz everywhere now we have that committee group of people sitting behind desks everywhere drinking tea or coffee deciding what WE want in a so called democratic society, they decide , that presenters should be white male , female, black male, female, Asian male, female , transgender, gay,or anything else they can think of so as not to upset someone or another in any group.

Why do we have 2 presenters or sometimes 3 presenting something one can do, we then add a fourth doing the weather forecast and you have the same carefully selected mixture of colours so as not to upset someone usually a minority with a loud voice, one person would do and they can rotate what the presenter is and save all that money , there are so many repeat jobs in the media, which are actually no no jobs.

It is about time we just went back to using common sense, i don't care if the presenter is white, black, brown, yellow , pink, red , cerise, purple . just read the B - - - - - news cast.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Can remember the great times i had in Cornwall over the years especially checking out the pubs and went into a pub in a place called Leedstown , like entering Dodge City saloon , firstly one man and his dog greeted me , Mornin, me luver , dog looked at me as much to say come closer and i'll eat you, couple of other locals were sitting on stools at the bar nodded in my direction , so i stood at the bar thinking what do i drink , then i was on lager , so this idiot said to this buxom wench what lagers do you do, umm as soon as i said it i thought idiot as they all looked at me and the barlady said, yu be new beere then.

I said on holiday umm thought wrongo, bar lady said ah your a Emmett then , being thick i didn't know what that meant so said no English another wrong move as soon as i said it i noticed all the black and white Cornish flags on the wall through the gloom, chap sitting nearest said we be dunt drink them fancy drinks here .

So thought i would try to blend in said i'll have a pint of whatever these gentlemen are drinking which caused a few murmers , so up came this pint of liquid dark, cloudy so there i was this strange brew in hand being watched by the locals so what do you do ?, you start drinking it as i put my glass down empty i felt a little strange .

Then a local said well me luvver you be the first stranger in here to drink a pint of that stuff, then i noticed they had half pint mugs and i thought oh S - - - what have i done , beating a hasty exit i soon found out as half way to Helston i was in need of the big boys room think i got to Helston in around 7 minutes foot on the floor, after that experiance before i go in any strange pub always look to see what the brew is.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Ah but it,s good in my slot car cave , heater was on ,rock 'n' roll on the cd player, half a bottle of Glen, some snacks , the wind is howling and the rain is bucketing down outside , the boss is watching the box and i have just been having a couple of hours on my own giving all my Thunderslots a good work out, great fun love those cars i may not have anyone to race with but have managed to set a new lap record with one of my modified Lola can am's , Heaven is a place on earth

 

[PETER GUNN]

I helped out on a Saturday when i was younger on a milk round and we used those electric milk floats which were not that fast so us lads used to get the empty floats and drive them round to the loading bays to load the milk crates , and of course boys being boys we used to race them round and in that depot it had a longish side road and empty you could get a fair bit of speed up from the float.

Along came xmas and we all arrived on xmas eve did the usual went round the back to get the floats , but unknown to us all had been on a double charge , being xmas more weight and quantity to take out apparantly , i was the last of 5 leaving the back yard and i can remember thinking this float is a bit lively this morning as we hurtled down that back road, must have been all of 25 mph .

Now these floats did not have great brakes did not really need them , but that day was a bit differance the leading float went round the corner and i heard a crashing sound so crept up to the corner with the others to see this milk float laying on it,s side in a pile of wood which was most of the float, with the young driver standing there quite ok as he had basically walked out of the cab as it went over.

Needless to say that was the last time the lads drove the floats to the loading bays , but we did get the odd drive around the back yard when no one was around.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Stayed in a place in Devon in a woodland log cabin many years ago just the missus and me , this cabin had a wooden balcony you could sit out on and enjoy a nice glass or two and take in nature, on the first Saturday we had a squirrel come and sit on the table there and the boss went ahh he must be hungry so out she goes and puts some bit's of fruit on table fine .

On the Sunday there were 2 squirell's sitting on the table so the boss did the same thing again, on the Monday boss wanted to drive to Newton Abbot so fine we went shopping on the way back to the car park, boss said i want to go into that pet shop thought fine but we ain't got any pet's out she came with a brown carrier bag with things in it.

On the Tuesday we had 4 squirell's sitting on the table and one basically knocking on the sliding door so out she went with grain, nuts and fruit , on the Wednesday i heard a scuffling noise at 5-45 in the morning so dragged myself out of bed and sitting outside the sliding door was matey squirell with his whole bloody family.

So i woke the missus up and said to her you have visitors so you had better get up, so what does she do go into the bathroom and makes her face up then goes outside to feed by now a brigade of squirell's.

The moral of this story is enjoy nature the smell of the woodland , the fresh air , but don't feed the bloody squirell's.

 

[PETER GUNN]

We did have cat's over the years this one was called FUZZ not the most active of cats

 

[PETER GUNN]

You lot are lucky my boss wants a Scalextric BOSS Mustang, Thunderslot Mclaren

 

[PETER GUNN]

Last time i wore a suit of sorts was a tuxedo at a firm's do in London for the wife , there was all these glamours women in their beautiful outfits and then there were dozens of identical penguins , wonder who got that suit from the oxfam shop i left it in a few days later.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Nutrition Trisha ah i,m a expert on the subject , Eggs benedict brekkie, mince pies with extra brandy, also a nice xmas pud with the fruit soaked in brandy with just a slosh of single malt, xmas lunch Turkey being white meat it should be with a dry white , but have both especially if you have pigs in blankets , which is red meat ( meat of sorts ) so a nice Burgandy , a good pale sherry also helps the dinner go down, and in the evening after more seasonal food sit back and look at the spirit cabinet,

Now i can recommend a shot of the Irish but a wee dram of finest single malt is a good taster befre you settle back to the best bit of the day , a hansome glass of Cardhu 12 year old scotch or two.

 

[PETER GUNN]

I get a few calls on my landline phone from people stating they tried to call me on my mobile but there was no answer , to which i reply that's right because i don't have the B thing on , but my landline is always on

 

[PETER GUNN]

THE BOSS , as let's face it they all are , i have a wife when she was younger and driving my suped up Ford Anglia would frighten the life out of everyone who sat in that car , many a time i have sat there next to her as we approached a rounderbout at some speed with me thinking , brake woman brake .

And then finding out we were still doing 40 round it with her foot lfirmly on the floor as we left it on the racing line, leaving Brands Hatch after a race meeting going down death hill with some others of like mind approaching that roundabout with my eyes shut as she double declutched .

And then last week going up the A12 at 70 always told her the speed signs were the maximim not that you had to drive to them all the time, the slot car days when she raced down the club so competative with that damn Pontiac sweeping ( literaly ) all before her out of the way, the odd open meeting with her W126 then the W164 such great control as she had the knack really driving those 3 and 5 pole cars over the limit but stayed in the slot.

Yep been great fun over the years , of course we've had those times where we didn't agree but being a male you just give up for the sake of peace and say those imortal words, yes dear.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Never complain about the standard of drivers here drive in Rome or Paris that sorts the men out from the boys i can tell you, you will never have to go on a fairground ride to get excitment anymore , you have drivers to the left of you drivers to the right of you , drivers behind you with their hands glued to the horn and the one's on the right want to go left , the one's on the left want to go right , and the geezer behinds you want's to go through you.

And there you are in a strange city in a strange car , making a decision in a split second where you are trying to go, oh and the police in Rome at junctions you sit there as he's sqatting fly's with his hands , the locals know what it means but a stranger ?, nope we have it easy over here.

 

[PETER GUNN]

Ah do you all remember Saturday afternoons rallycross and scrambling on telly , those were the days on the old beeb , all my mates would watch the Saturday afternoon sports , alas many have now gone including the sport.