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Russell Sheldon
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Beejay won the prize for nominating the world's ugliest car, the Xylon, in the "Howmet's Happy Hour Part II" thread, which Howmet undertook to build. I was blown away by Beejay's nomination and have been patiently but anxiously waiting to see Howmet's progress.

It's been a while and I think that even Beejay has given up waiting, having removed his taunting (or should that be haunting?) signature picture. No doubt progress is being made in secret as every now and then there are some references to the project by Howmet, the most recent being a reference to Jackie Stewart's rear-end. The problem, I think, is that Howmet builds all his projects in the same closet where he stores his collection of Razzle.

Hopefully my own version won't take as long... the body is being made by Derick Thesnaar from Cape Town:-





The mould just needs to be cleaned up a bit before vacuum-forming gets underway. There will be a couple of 'pulls' for you too, Howmet and Beejay, in exchange for a pullover, of course!

Here's a reminder of what the real car looks like:-



Did I mention that it's a really tiny car?



Kind regards,

Russell
 

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Administrator
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That is excellent work Russell, but I mean this in a caring way please don't include me on your customer list for a shell. Now if you could produce a delicate little Lotus Elan shell....

David
 

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Alan Tadd
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Oh yes......This car will make a fine addition to my racing stable, although possibly it would be more at home in my "limited edition" display cabinet!. Thank you Russell. The driver figure in mine will of course be wearing one of the infamous three armed jumpers although the third arm may be difficult to model with any degree of accuracy as I do not have any 1:1 Drawings to work from.

I would also like to thank you for raising this topic as you are right concerning the very limited information, regarding construction progress, coming from the Howmet household.

Howmet has been warned that lack of progress will result in the re-introduction of the sig. pic, (although for the sake of everyone's sanity I am reluctant to do this).

I belive he is still using the feeble excuse that he can't work out how to use his new Digital Camera!.....Perhaps Mrs. Howmet may be able to assist, as I understand that in addition to her many other talents she is a fine photographer, in the Lawson mould.

Regards

Alan
 

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You all got me bang to rights, chaps. Xylon production had ground almost to a halt. Now seems to have lost momentum altogether. Was briefly having more fun making my M7A. Slightly less fun trying to earn a living and keep Mrs H in the style to which she is accustomed. Do you realise how much those Ferrero Rocher choccies cost? Lately all usable slot car time has been eroded to almost zero by constant demands of Howmet jr, Mk I and II. By some very careful planning on someone's part, Cricket, Tennis and various music lessons are contrived to occur at opposite ends of the borough on every evening of the week. School runs take care of remaining freedom. Three times have I laid devious plans to sneak out to East Molesey to gawp at a proper track. Three times have I been deflected by parent teacher meetings, selfish clients of my own discreet professional services, and lastly an emergency visit to the vet. Not for me. A hamster past it's sell by date. I ask you.
Attic layout has gathered a thin but very even veil of dust. The roast bison is beginning to give off an unpleasant odour.
I've got five more minutes on the Forum before I have to start work for the day. Not even time to warm up the soldering iron. Please, people- make it fun!

And by the way, BJ. Jackie Stewart never drove the Xylon wearing a three armed sweater. Mrs H couldn't manage the tartan stripes he demanded. When he had the audacity to complain, she threw a terrible wobbly that scared Jackie so much he feared for his life. Having survived Mrs H's tantrum (and few do...) he began to think carefully about further risks to his mortality, and how he might emeliorate them. Not a lot of people know this, but he later began a crusade for safety in racing. This was largely as a result of his encounter with Mrs H and her needles, during which (according to an unbroadcastable interview he later gave to Sir Jimmy Saville), his whole life flashed before his eyes.
 

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QUOTE Jackie Stewart never drove the Xylon wearing a three armed sweater. Mrs H couldn't manage the tartan stripes he demanded.
Was it really the tartan stripes? The story I heard was that she just didn't have enough wool! At least that's what Jackie says. Whatever, much to thank mrs h for it seems - perhaps the inspiration behind the three-point safety harness too?

Btw, I hope Harry the hamster is well on the road to recovery by now - I recall we were all very concerned when he exploded a few months back. Not hitting the Ferrero Rocher's again is he? They're no good for hamsters you know.
 

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It was Fang, actually, not Harry. And he never made it back from the vets. An hour in the waiting room when I could have been slotracing. No sympathy from me for the cursed little blighter. A nine days wonder for howmet jr, which then kept us awake all night in his little wheel. All those hours cleaning his cage when I could have been scratchbuilding. Time that will never come back to us....

And believe me, the Jackie Stewart story comes straight from the horse's mouth, although Mrs H hates me calling her that.

A twisted version of the same incident came to the ears of Jim Hall, who was looking for someone who could steer, change gear, and operate movable aerodynamic devices at the same time in his radical new Chaparral. When Jackie managed to explain to him that he didn't actually have three arms, Jim developed the 2J instead. The fan being on constant speed, it didn't require so many limbs to drive it.

Oh-oh. There goes the phone again. Another customer ringing to complain, I expect.
 

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Alan Tadd
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All very interesting Howmet, but I'm afraid it cut's no ice with me........

All this talk of exploding hampsters, pressure of work and domestic obligations are an excuse and can be tolerated no more......

I'm sure I have the full support of Russell and John regarding this matter, but you leave me no choice.

My apologise to anyone easily offended by my signature picture.

Regards

Alan
 

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Brian Ferguson
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Howmet..... rancid? Why did you oil the bison?


I know.... I know.... it was squeaking....


JP.... smokey!
Ohhhh..... spiced jerkey could have been nice too!


Me thinks Howmet has overlooked the obvious solution.... wait for Russell's vac version..... and make a cast from it!
 

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On the other hand, I could finish my plastic shell, fill it with putty and pull a vaccie from it.
The mind reels at the proliferation of Xylons in this innocent and unsuspecting world.
Hey! How about a Xylon prox..........(sound effects of a rotting bison carcass falling through ceiling and crushing smart arse slotracer beneath debris).
 

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Brian Ferguson
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QUOTE How about a Xylon prox..........(sound effects of a rotting bison carcass falling through ceiling and crushing smart arse slotracer beneath debris).

Not funny, Howmet! And I urge against that! Nature being what it is, I suspect that fate (note the small "f") would befall all of those who attempted to build Xylons for a proxy!
 

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Russell Sheldon
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2,855 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Just a quick update






And another picture of the real car:-



Did I mention that it's really tiny?

Ok Howmet, I've shown you mine, now please show us yours


Kind regards

Russell
 

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Allan Wakefield
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5,857 Posts
TINY! UGLY! and well deserving of a place in the slot car hall of fame...

Whats it going to sit on chassis wise Russell? powered by ?

Excellent work and not a deformed jumper in sight!


You taking orders? it might sit nice beside that old Subaru STILL awaiting some loving attention.
 

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Russell Sheldon
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2,855 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Hi Swiss

This is a chassis which I built for an Airfix Mini body. I'll probably do something similar for the Xylon:-



Sell the bodies? Hell, no! I'll give them away! My friend Derick Thesnaar will be making 6 in white Plasticard (with separate vac-windows) and 6 in PETG. One of each are for Howmet, Beejay and myself -- there are 3 of each still available for any other unsuspecting victims out there....

Someone mentioned a Xylon proxy race? I can picture is now.... a Xylon speed orgy.... or perhaps a Xylon pile-on?


Did I mention that it's really tiny?

With kind regards

Russell
 
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