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· Rob
3,627 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Slot Racing's Golden Couple

In these heady days of the New Millennium, the combination of ever-tighter Health and Safety laws and ever-increasing insurance premiums have left Slot Racing as virtually the only competitive 'sport' in the western world. And even then, competitors must sign a waiver, promising not to sue should their human rights be violated by losing!
Fans in their hundreds turn up to see the top teams compete, with thousands more logging on to watch via web cam (parental control advised). Top drivers became instant and highly paid celebrities, their every move reported and recorded by the paparazzi; their choices of cars and controllers instantly duplicated by faithful fans the world over.
But occasionally one driver would capture the imagination of a generation…

He is captain of the English national slot racing team, with looks that cause teenaged girls to swoon in their thousands, and their mothers to say 'and he seems such a nice boy!'
Tussauds created a waxwork of him to stand in the Pendle wing of the British Museum, poised in his famous 'racing crouch', as taught to him by his friend and mentor Jonny 'Wilkinson' Sword.
Whatever he may lack as an outright racer, he has made up for with practise, dedication and publicity. And more publicity. And did I mention publicity?

She was a pop-singer, now his ever-loyal and supportive wife, always at his side for interviews and photo shoots. Earlier in her career she had been a competitive racer too, but there was always speculation. Her tyres - standard or silicone? No one ever seemed to be able to prove one way or the other, but in the end she tired of all the bust ups and became full time advisor and publicist for her husband.

They have it all, the millionaire lifestyle, adoring fans, the sponsorship, the magazine deals, the bling, the tacky taste. They are slot racing's golden couple - Posh Slot and Golden Braids.

She helped him choose his teams, his cars (though strangely she always objected to any model in a Jordan livery), and his interviewers. She helped him rebuild his image after some bad-tempered argy-bargy led to his disqualification in an international semi-final early in his career. When the Greater Mancunian and Essex Slotcar Club dispensed with his services, she masterminded his move to Spain, the 'other' ancestral home of slot racing. And of course, home to (nearly) all the best slot shops, dahling! And the weather's soooo much better than Birmingham or Lancashire! Even when rumours surfaced alleging that he had dallied with another publicist, she was at his side to guide him through the resulting media storm.

And what of the future?
Golden Braids England future looks secure as he prepares to lead the team to the European Slotcar Championships, under the guidance of team manager Sven Goin' E'ersosoon. The Norwegian manager, plucked from relative obscurity to lead the England team, has astounded his critics with his absolutely unswerving loyalty to the England team.
Allegedly, Sven has been approached by agents of several clubs offering big money deals, should the pressure of International management become too overpowering. British tabloid The Daily Slot published photos of Sven and his right hand man Mole Gripp, literally throwing the club representatives through the door of their hotel. How can such loyalty fail to inspire his team?

But recently speculation has arisen concerning a possible return to club racing in the UK. The recent takeover of the Chelsea & Hammersmith club by the Russian entrepreneur Igor Tallotadosh has lead to an influx of highly paid international stars, and it seems that the England captain may be high on the shopping list. Only time will tell…


· Allan Wakefield
6,720 Posts
Oh yes!

Nice one.


QUOTE Posh Slot and Golden Braids

You sure that should not be Posh Slot and lucky barsteward?
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