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Russell Sheldon
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This picture was taken at Glastonbury..... one week after the festival.



The people in the picture are exhausted rescuers trying to extricate someone still buried in the mud. According to eyewitnesses, the man claims he is a "Xylonophone" player in a band and vows to only surface once a certain "signature picture" is permanently removed....

Could it be our Howmet?
 

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Nice of you to ask, Russell.
Things started off quite quietly in the NSCC tent at Glasto this year. They had the usual 'Magic Bus overland to Goa' Rally track laid out as per usual. Great fun. Every driver in each team of twenty has to keep at least one finger on the throttle at all times to set an official time, and bonus points are awarded for all discarded items of clothing. The VW camper van slow race was equally popular, and had been underway for twelve hours already when I got there. 'Grateful Fred' on purple lane had completed one lap, having inadvertently taken entirely the wrong drugs, but the other three teams had entered successfully into the spirit of things- 'U3' had rolled on the first corner and were preparing a 1/32 scale all night bonfire and bongo jam, 'RPM' were still in the pits discussing their motivation for the race, and Pink Kar Floyd were well in the lead having set off in the wrong direction and accumulated -3 laps on the race chart. Things were warming up slowly towards the usual last day climax- the tension last year had been quite bearable.
The atmosphere was really relaxed- mainly because the regular undercover drugs squad officer, Wankel 'Sniffer' Ickx was already expired on the coconut matting through high levels of passive inhalation of the very substances he was there to prevent. Beside him was the source of the blue fug which was maintaining his persistent vegetative state- the notorious Badger O'Halloran, ex-groupie, ex-roadie, and current slot car saboteur. I watched her tap the ash from her thirty-one inch long hand-rolled cigarette delicately into Det. Sargeant Ickx's ear, while plumes of smoke issued from every orifice of her loosley wrapped body.
'That's the drugs squad taken care of for the duration then' she said. 'Don't worry about Thumb. He can't tell the difference between a bong and a bungee rubber. All he cares about is the cars. But look out for Argent. A sniff of Amyl Nitrate and he goes berserk. I'm off to watch Turnmarshallofdoom on the main stage. They've got the brass section of the Vienna Philharmonic with them this year.'
Adrian and Normanski, the DJs in charge of the NSCC got a bit nervous at that. 'Thumb and Argent here? Quick- hide the lentils- they're two years past their sell by date.'
'Chill it. Like Badger said- Thumb's not interested in minor infractions of health and safety, guys. Anyway, we can always distract him with a pass to our private bathroom facilities.' Ryan Brogers was as usual on hand to calm everyone down. But the tension clicked up a couple of ratios again. It was only after Badger had left that we realised there was still another pair of sandalled feet projecting from beneath Sniffer's kaftan. 'Who's that then?' BJ the DJ asked me. 'I dunno', I said, 'but you've heard of the three-armed man- perhaps Sniffer Ickx is the four foot man.' 'Nah' Adrian said- 'he's taller than that.' 'Well that's hard to say- he's lying down' Norman chipped in.
It was at that point that Difflock stuck his head through the tent flap.
'Anyone seen Harry?' he asked.
That's when it all started to turn seriously wierd.....
 

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Alan Tadd
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Fine work Howmet and welcome back!.........................

Nice to see the Inspector and his able assistant undertaking another voyage into the unknown to rid the world of crime, ( I'm sure that Turnmarshall fellow is at the bottom of it).

I feel your extended break may have something to do with you finishing your Xzylon , am I correct?. If not the picture below will remind you of what we are all waiting to see.

Regards

Alan

PS Harry, you've got to give up on that diet mate, it's doing you no good at all!.
 

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Russell Sheldon
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Alan, there's a Xylon invasion heading towards England as we speak..... with a Jaguar in tow!

Apologies again for the delay!

Kind regards

Russell
 

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Anyone disturbed enough to read the rest of this depraved story should turn to the History Culture and Literature section, where Rail Racer, very much against the advice of his solicitors, has posted it. Please make sure you have your parent's permission.
It all ends happily, if you're worried about it.
 
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